When anxiety shows up, our instinct is often to control it. Sometimes that’s even what we’ve been taught to do. But interestingly, trying to control anxiety can sometimes make it stronger.

Here’s one way to think about it.

Imagine anxiety as a kind of “monster” in your mind. When we try to control it, we often create another mental force to fight it — another monster, essentially. Now there’s a battle happening internally, and that battle itself creates more tension and stress.

If you prefer a different image, think of anxiety as an army. When we try to control it, we create another army to oppose it. Suddenly there’s conflict, resistance, and more emotional intensity than there was to begin with.

In both cases, we end up layering anxiety on top of anxiety.

If you notice this happening for you, there’s a simple awareness exercise I sometimes suggest. I call it the Follow Your Mind Meditation.

When you’re ready, take a couple of slow, deep breaths. Let yourself settle into wherever you’re sitting. You might imagine your muscles just hanging naturally off your bones, or feel yourself gently sinking into the chair.

Then try this:

Allow your mind to show you whatever it wants to show you.

Images, thoughts, memories, worries — let them come and go at whatever pace they choose. Your only job is to notice. No judgment. No analysis. Just observation.

I sometimes compare this to watching a small child in a room. You’re aware of them to make sure they’re safe, but you don’t need to control whether they sit on a chair, crawl under it, or wander around. You simply watch.

Give yourself a minute or two to do this and then notice how you feel afterward. Maybe a bit calmer. Maybe not. Either way, just observe.

Often, this works because the conscious mind wants control. When you stop fighting your thoughts and instead allow them space, the internal struggle softens. And when the struggle softens, relaxation tends to follow naturally.

Many people find that calm isn’t something we have to force — it’s something that returns when we stop battling our own minds.

If anxiety has been showing up more than you’d like lately, talking it through can help. If you’d like support, feel free to reach out.